Because if I don't get this, I can't call myself anymore

You know I'm so buying this when it comes out.

Please stay tuned for the beginning of a mini-series of "How to be a a SMFBSB™". You'll laugh! You'll cry! You'll feel better when it's all over.

No one ever said it was painless...

Ever wake up early and wonder what the hell you're gonna do for the rest of the morning? Yea it sucks. So I do what any girl would do. I do each and ever single beauty routine that I semi-neglect due to time constraints. Which of course is a waste of time because now I'm thinking of laying out on the deck and tanning and maybe taking a swim in the pool. On that note, I'm going to wash off my clay mask and contemplate whether I should enjoy the gorgeous day outside. Maybe if I just relax outside, I'll be able to put unto words whats been swirling around in my head for the past few weeks

Now, complete with Technicolor!

Can we say Post-processing up the wazoo?
© Anna 2007
(yes even the over-processed trademark flipflop tan line courtesy of South Florida)

It's no secret that I've been coveting a big girl camera for quite a while now. And when MAG™ bought me one, I was actually intimidated. What's a girl supposed to do with a gazillion settings and buttons? I read and re-read the manual until I ripped one of the pages out by mistake. I think I have the Simple Mode for Dummies™ down pat. You know, the setting where the camera actually shows exactly how much more intelligent it is than you and automatically adjusts itself for the best possible shot all by it's little demonic self. Sure, I adjust those setting a bit but, really, who am I kidding?

Sometimes, I rue the day when I got the dSLR. I mean, sure it's all technologically advanced and gorgeous but it's not the same as a SLR film camera. I can work a SLR film camera like it's nobody's business (Thanks dad! Oh and thanks for the love you taught me for Nikon!). I know film and film knows me. Maybe it's the comfort factor of shooting with film that I love or maybe it's because I actually know what I'm doing. Granted, it helps that I've been knowing what to do since I was 9 or so. But man, I'm struggling with my new camera like I was an idiot. I was thinking last night that maybe I should invest in some photography classes or even books so I can learn to use the damn camera that cost MAG™ a heart attack or two.

Besides that, the composition could use some work as well but that's just something that practice will give me. Shooting in RAW mode is quite interesting but I'll get the last few tweaks down soon. However, this mode allows me to have fun with the photos when I'm processing them. OMG the details! The color corrections! It's heaven, at least for me. You see, I have a penchant for controlling down to the most minimal detail of a photograph and now I can. Besides, where else am I going to get spectacular black and white photography or shots that are over saturated just enough to make them more dramatic? I'm such a geek, I admit it. Can you tell that my Nikon, my Toshiba and Photoshop CS2 (in the process of upgrading to CS3) are going to be the best of friends? I think so and it's such a bright future, I just gotta wear my shades.

You know I didn't even know her name but I was never going to be the same...What a night.

I don't know what possessed me to wake up at this ungodly hour of the night and write. I mean, yes I know I have been slacking in the content department for a few days now but still, to have this urge to get up, wake up Lilith (my laptop for those who don't know) and log in still amazes me.

I guess there something intimate and introspective about bubble baths. I know I do my best thinking in the shower, especially when I'm soaking for extended periods of time. There really is nothing of utmost importance that is taking up all my undivided attention. Sure, there are some minor annoyances that we shall not discuss because I really do not feel like arguing with my sister. However, I guess it's just me thinking in general. I once read the following: "how does a girl who falls, no actually jumps eyes wide open, down a rabbit hole, plummeting into chaos come out unchanged?" The answer to that is she doesn't. And that's how I've been feeling lately with all these thing surmounting me. I mean, sure familial stuff will always be there and short of killing them off, it's not going to change. I guess I should take some comfort in the fact that the rest of the family doesn't believe them nor do they take any kind of pity/sympathy/empathy. And they all know what cloth they are cut out of. But in some ways, it doesn't. And I don't know why.

In other news, my paternal grandmother passed away on Monday, July 16th. While the waterworks weren't there, I did feel empathetic towards my father. No matter what may his mother may have done in the past, in the end, that was his mother.

Yesterday was rather relaxing and lazy. Played some Hexic Deluxe, watched a crap load of HBO Comedy whilst cuddling with MAG™. Then I headed off for a nice relaxing bubble bath/soak and did some "me" meditation. Quite, funny how when you're brutally honest with yourself, how liberated you feel in the end. And that, my friends, is the best feeling in the world. Sure, feeling like butter sure does sweeten the deal, no pun intended. I think I shall leave you with a gem my father used to quote all the time; "No one expects the Spanish Inquisition" - Monty Python

Too hot to handle, too cold to hold...Try to battle my boys? That's not legal.

A double ear (i.e. each ear has it) infection and things are just fantastic. No, really. Besides, what fun would it be if MAG™ wouldn't have kidney stones plus an infection on said kidney? Oh and lets not forget our piece of shit insurance that for some weird reason wouldn't cover his x-rays but covered mine on the same day? WTF? I give up for today although our current status for his x-rays is "screwed". Maybe tomorrow it will be "confused" and I'll have a better day when it comes to dealing with the idiots that work for our insurance.

Don't even get me started on government offices. Oh and especially on family bullshit that seems to be growing by the second. I just don't understand, now, after my grandmother almost dies, does my uncle now comes to the front and center and acts like he's always given a shit. What about us (my mother when she was alive, my father, my sister and I) that have always kept her near and an eye out on her since before I was born? Oh wait, we don't fucking matter. Who cares if we're the ones that paid her bills, took her to her medical appointments, took her in to live with us when she got to old to be on her own? That's just a minor technicality. I mean really, does it matter at all that she's never spent more than a day or two at a time with her two grandsons and maybe a total of 20 days with her youngest granddaughter in her 15 years of her life because my uncle and aunt could not be bothered at all to include her in their life? Why would it? But you know what? As much as it bothers me, it's all perfectly fine and dandy with me. My conscience is clear. I did what I have been able to and enjoyed my grandmother for 28 beautiful years and that's more than I can say for some people. I don't have to race against a clock to spend as much time as I can. Besides, at the end when it matters I can say that although I have washed my hands completely towards the end, I was there through out it all.

Oy vey, I seriously need a fucking vacation and a drug habit just to get through the rest of my life with this shit. Or a really long fucking nap…

Original Post date: 5/28/07 - "Hair style is the final tip-off whether or not a woman really knows herself." - Hubert de Givenchy, Vogue, July 1985

Fantastic genetics, OCD tendencies (I'm not Obsessive-Compulsive, I'm extremely enthusiastic!) and a fabulous personal hair stylist (yes, she's been cutting and styling hair since I was like one years old) makes for great hair. As much as I've been thinking about cutting my hair, I didn't. All I did was go in a for a dusting and my trademark layers on Friday. You see, I have a weakness for short hair and it's usually the shorter, the better. I have had just about every pixie cut imaginable. Winona Ryder's? Been there done that. Anne Heche's? I rocked it. Halle Berry's? I looked better than her. Twiggy's? She wishes she could have looked like me. And as much as I'd love to go back to it, it's time for a change. Now, keep in mind I have never stated that I never had long hair, I just get all uppity after a year or two with it so I wind up lopping it (with no qualms mind you) and rocking short hair cuts. But it's been roughly 5 years since I've had anything near the vicinity of shoulder-length hair, so I think it's time for a change.

You see, to me hair is hair. Yes, I am obsessed with it but on the flip-side, I treat it like an expendable asset. It's not the first time I have walked into a salon with ass length hair and brunette and have walked out with a blond pixie cut. But all I can say at this point is that yes, it's frustrating let it grow out but I am having so much fun doing it.

Original Post date: 5/1/07 - Better stand tall when they're calling you out; Don't bend don't break, baby don't back down.

Anywho, My old cell phone kicked the bucket and that's not cool because I loved that thing! You have no idea how much abuse that phone has endured since it became mine. But as usual, all [good] things must come to an end. Now I'm undecided between a BlackBerry Pearl, 8800 or a Palm Treo 750. Before you go thinking I'm a phone snob, err wait, I am but that's not the point. My not so new position (been at it for about 5 months now), requires me to have this kind of phone. Because of course, any other phone won't be able to handle being on call for the rest of my natural life I continue my career there. But since my phones were working, I kinda just shrugged it off and well, now I get to have a shiny new toy to play with. I am however, am the only one getting a [smart] phone. Hehe, can we say my sister and husband are going to be pissed off? Oh well.

How to know your husband really adores you and your techie-ness to no end (or how to know you're going to die ASAP)? He comes home with the plasma tv, 1000w surround sound system and dSLR you've been coveting for a while. No, I did not throw out the tv and surround system we have in the living room. This is for the bedroom, thank-you-very-much. Then again he owed me a new camera after the last camera incident lol. As for the TV and sound system, well let's just say that the TV that was in my bedroom at my parent's house once upon a time, had seen better days. I got that TV at the same time the Sega Dreamcast had come out. I know, because I was one of the idiots who picked it up at EB Games on release date. I was overdue for an upgrade. No really, I was. When the power button is pushed in and it won't work and your remote is being held together but crazy glue on the sides, it's time to upgrade.

Somethings I will never have the answers for but for those that I do, all I can say is that people are people and those that think that the world owes them or are miserable will do anything to drag you to their level and make you miserable as well. I never have and never will reduce myself so low as to debase myself with that kind of negativity. I'm better than that; Always have been, always will be.

Because it's all about the fireworks today

Happy Fourth of July!

The fun has just begun, C'mon the fun has just begun

All things considered, yesterday was a good day and today was even better. Here's a re-cap of what happened.

1. Yay VW for being such great folks and fixing my brake switch under my warranty. And a hearty fuck you to the pre-pubescent cheerleader at the service counter that told us we were shit out of luck. Honey, here is a tip; being nice actually goes further than being pissy.

2. Big Booty Ho™ was also nice today and no major technical fuck ups. It was a good day. Speaking of which, I love my co-workers, I really do. It's just that while we're all working with each other, we tend to aggravate the hell out of each other. Outside of work, we totally work as friends.

3. I love my deep reddish-chocolate color. It's a change from Blue-black and it actually really works for my complexion.


4. Woot! No work tomorrow. So MAG™ and I are off to the beach to enjoy it as well as watch the fireworks.

5. Relaxing at home watching movies with your husband while cuddling is fantastic....so toodles boys and girls. I have someone who's impatiently awaiting me on the couch. Have fun and be safe tomorrow!